Children's Body Autonomy & Hygiene: Can You Support Both?

The topic of consent and children’s bodies is an increasingly frequent one. Most parents want their children to not only be responsible for their bodies but be able to control who is touching their bodies and how.

You may be teaching your kids how to say “no” to other kids on the playground and informing the grandparents that hugs are no longer mandatory or expected. They even parrot the phrase “my body, my choice” back to you.

You feel pretty good about respecting your children’s body autonomy…

… but what about when it comes to personal hygiene? And medicine? And doctor’s visits?

Is there a line?

At a certain point, parents may feel like they need to put their foot down and insist on health and safety activities. Like brushing teeth, bathing, going to the doctor, and taking medicine.

So how can you respect your child’s body autonomy AND ensure they are well cared for? When it comes to children, consent and hygiene, it IS possible to do both.

HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR CHILDREN’S BODY AUTONOMY AND HYGIENE

You aim to respect your child’s body, but what if they resist something that you consider a non-negotiable? It’s frustrating, no doubt.

Can you avoid the old-school authoritarian parenting – simply overpowering them with force – or begging & negotiating for hours? It’s possible, honestly. Let’s use tooth brushing as an example.

1. Start Small

If you expect a three year-old to brush their teeth twice a day, and perfectly address each tooth like an angel, you’ll probably be disappointed. Remember – Rome wasn’t built in a day!

With a brand new skill, start small. Try brushing without toothpaste first. Or just starting with one tooth. That’s still a victory!

2. Give them more time

Your kid takes seemingly 539,824 minutes to put on their socks. And when you ask them to brush their teeth, they run in the other room! Instead of forcing it to happen on your timeline, see if they simply need more time to process it.

Some kids like choices: would you like to brush your teeth before or after we get dressed? Or they might just need some connection time with you before a new task. Try reading a short story together and then try again.

3. Be playful & silly

It’s easy to forget playfulness, especially as adults who need to get three kids out the door and be on time for work. But this is one of the best secret weapons.

Sing a song your child loves or make up one of your own.
Make it a game where you stop singing every time they stop brushing.
Create a new persona for them – a Tooth Superhero who’s going to conquer plaque and germs.
Pretend to be a sportscaster who narrates their every move in a silly voice.

4. Do it together.

If you have a child who mimics everything you do, this strategy is helpful to balance children’s body autonomy with the need for basic hygiene! I like to whip out my electronic toothbrush and brush my teeth at the same time. When you do it together, your child might feel more grown-up, and just like you.

5. Get to the root of resistance

When you need your child to wash their hands (20 minutes ago), you can feel the time slipping away while you stand there waiting for compliance.

But what if they have a concern you don’t understand? Or a sensory issue that is complicating the process? Maybe the toothbrush bristles are too stiff or they hate the taste of the toothpaste. Fixing a minor problem like that may create more long-term success!

6. Explain the importance

You truly want your child to believe that “no means no” and “yes means yes” but you also realllly need them to go to the doctor’s checkup, wash their bodies & brush their teeth.

YOU know why it’s important, but what if they don’t? A culture of consent at home means respecting your child’s full personhood – their right to control their bodies with you as their guide. Talk to them about why this health or hygiene issue is important. Share how YOU wash your hair or go to the dentist. And most importantly, WHY.

And remember – – – you don’t have to try all these strategies in one day! It’s a “buffet” of options from which you can pick and choose. If you’re spending an hour negotiating, that’s a sure-fire sign to pause, let it go for a bit, and try again later.

Finally, think of health, safety, and hygiene as one more area where you can live up to your feminist parenting ideals of truly respecting your children’s bodily autonomy and creating a culture of consent at home.

To learn more, download our free guide to Teach Consent to Young Children