Frequently Asked Questions
What is Fair Play?
The Fair Play method is a system that helps you and your partner create a collaborative and equitable partnership. Not only does it help you divvy up domestic responsibilities in a way that feels fair to both partners – – it also helps you BOTH to carve out time and space for yourselves.
This system is based on the book, “Fair Play,” written by Eve Rodsky.
Who is this for?
It’s for:
- Partners who feel tension at home because of the distribution of household work
- A default parent who is feeling overloaded by running the home
- Couples about to make a big change, like cohabitating, getting married, having a baby, or changing employment
- Co-parents living in different households
- Non-romantic roommates who want clear expectations + a fair split of duties
How does it work?
It’s an actual card game, to make it fun! The Fair Play “deck” has a range of cards that you and your partner actually “deal” in order to share the workload more fairly. It’s a system with heart. Underneath the cards are the values that your family holds.
Is this only for working parents?
Well, I think ALL parents are working parents! (But I know what you mean.) No, it’s not just for parents who work outside of the home. If you’re a stay-at-home parent, that doesn’t mean that child care & running the household are 100% your job only. Fair Play aims to shift duties to be FAIR, not necessarily 50/50.
This sounds complicated. Can’t we just figure it out on our own?
If you could, you probably would have already! #sorrynotsorry. If you ever feel resentful for being the default parent or jealous of your partner’s free time, that anger + resentment will continue to grow. The Fair Play Method is actually simple! And we even strive to make it fun, I swear.
Is this just about splitting up chores?
No. The Fair Play Method DOES help you and your partner split household chores & child care more fairly, but it does even more. It helps you and your partner become a true team, with your values in focus. And the best part? It helps you reclaim your time, gives you permission to be interesting again & helps you carve out space for you to thrive.
This topic is very triggering for me. Is there a way to discuss this topic without anger and tears?
If you’re feeling super emotional about the division of labor at home, you’re probably the default parent carrying most of the mental load. It’s also likely that you already tried to have this conversation, but nothing changed. Couples in that situation may need a facilitator’s help so that they can approach the conversation in a different way – a way that will be productive & rewarding.
My partner/mom/boss/friend tells me to just outsource. Is that easier than creating a new system?
There may be a few things you want to outsource, and that’s totally fine! But the truth is that outsourcing still requires work. Whether it’s a landscaper, a meal delivery service, or a babysitter, you still need to research, recruit, (sometimes interview), and maintain ongoing communication with any hired help. And the reality is – – it would be challenging (both financially and otherwise) to outsource EVERYTHING in your home.
I feel guilty bringing this up to my partner because I don’t want to sound ungrateful. My partner is a really good parent.
It’s soooo common to be concerned about making your partner feel bad by bringing up this topic. Women especially are socialized to not speak up for their needs – to be “selfless” and constantly give to others. Likewise, is is very easy for men and women in heterosexual partnerships to fall into prescribed gender roles we learn from society.
It’s possible for your partner to be a really good parent AND for you to desire a shift in household responsibilities. They’re not mutually exclusive! I’ll help you frame this invitation to your partner in a non-attacking, collaborative way.
Life is just hard when you have young kids. Maybe if I wait it out, things will get easier?
Parents often hear advice to “wait out” developmental stages of a child’s life. But when it comes to a partnership, the longer you stay in these roles, the harder it will be to make a change. You shouldn’t have to wait several years to feel like a real person again. And in fact, you DON’T have to wait.
I read the book & bought the cards but my partner won’t do it.
You’re not alone! When a person knows deep down that they have the “better deal,” why would they want to change things? If you’ve tried on your own but didn’t make progress, you may need a facilitator’s help. The invitation is one of the most critical pieces of the process. I help overwhelmed parents frame the invitation to Fair Play in a way that their partners will respond well to (instead of shutting down & turning on a video game.)
My partner sent me here, but I’m skeptical. Is this man-shaming? Is it just a trap for me to get blamed for everything?
No, not at all! The Fair Play method gives you and your partner a creative, refreshing way to think about the home & family you’ve created. It gives you a completely new system to set you both up for success – in parenting AND in partnership. Finally, it helps BOTH of you engage in things that are important to you – like friendships, self-care, and individual passions.
Maybe we just need to get more organized?
I love when a home has a place for everything. And a smooth process that works for everyone. It can cut down on mistakes, inefficiencies, and confusion. BUT… an organized home will not create more parity between partners. It will not cut down on your to-do list or change your “showrunner” job.
This feels like just another thing on my to-do list. How can I possibly make time for this when I’m already feeling stressed beyond belief?
I get that! No one needs another meaningless project on their plate. But if you want to break the cycle of inequality at home – for you AND for your children – the Fair Play method is the most straightforward way to do that. You’ll replace the complaining & the resentment with a clear system (that’s actually fun!) to rebalance + redistribute tasks (and still like each other after.)
I’ve tried to delegate in the past and it just doesn’t work.
You’re right – it doesn’t work. Because that gives you too many jobs: CEO, project manager, customer service & quality assurance director. Imagine if someone had that many jobs at a company? It wouldn’t go well. And they’d never sleep. Sound familiar? Fair Play is an entirely different way of approaching things – one that doesn’t involve delegating.
My partner will never do it as well as I do.
In the coaching world, we call this a limiting belief. I know you probably have evidence of this and your experience is real. But keep in mind that we are socialized (starting as kids) to believe people have different capabilities based on gender. What if you looked at it differently?
It’s also possible that you and your partner have lots of unspoken expectations. Fair Play gives you the chance to get on the same page with your values so that you connect more deeply about the humanity behind the card.
How do I get started?
In case we haven’t met – hi! I’m Catherine Bailey, a certified Fair Play facilitator. I support groups, couples, and individuals with the Fair Play method so that they can feel more supported and equitable in their relationships.
Learn more about coaching and facilitation here.
And join the “UNLOAD the Mental Load” challenge starting soon!
