Moving Beyond “Me”: Group Work and Kids

If you’ve ever been to a protest or a rally, you’ve felt the power of coming together to express shared values. There is something unique, and a bit extraordinary, about that feeling. You know that you have the ability to change something just by standing up – both literally and metaphorically.

Just this week, I brought my child to a rally to protest the criminalization of immigrants and refugees, and the separation of children and families. While my daughter is young, she has begun to learn through books such as “Si, Se Puede” about social justice and how people form groups to take action together. Through the chanting, clapping, and energy of the crowd, she knew we were there to work for change. She could feel the power of collective action.

Help kids think beyond “me”

Today, parenting tips frequently focus on children as individuals. How your child can stand up to bullies, increase their attention span, become more independent, or do better at school.

As parents, it is easy for us to be hyper-focused on their individual milestones and accomplishments. This starts with our concern about when they roll over and start babbling, when they use the potty and learn their ABCs, when they start reading or score their first goal. As they get older, we worry about what they score on the SATs, how many honors classes they take, and whether they find a prom date.

Related: When parenting feels tough: 5 ways to build resilience

When we discuss leadership with kids, it can sometimes sound like a solo activity: running for student government president or leading the debate team. But in order for either of these activities to be truly successful, they can’t just focus on the “me.” To accomplish almost anything, we need a motivated and inspired group of people to rise into action.

Teams beyond sports

Stop for a moment and think about some of your current teams. As adults, we participate in teams or groups constantly: at work, in marriages, on PTAs, on local boards, in faith communities, and volunteer committees.

I know, I know, sometimes group work can be a drag, especially when it’s forced. There’s always the bossy one, the slacker, the chit chatter – basically a Breakfast Club situation. You think, I could do this more easily alone.

Related: Raising Girls in a High Pressure Culture

But pause for a moment. What groups have improved your skills or inspired you to be a better person – perhaps the swim team or a professional project?

Now pause again. Think about groups that empowered you to contribute to the greater good, in your community or beyond. What did you learn? How did you connect with other members? What did you achieve beyond yourself?

For children, the benefits of sports are lengthy: kids learn how to overcome fear, learn how to win and lose, develop physical health and social skills. Sports activity even correlates with academic achievement in youth. Challenge yourself, however, to encourage your child to participate in a group in which a core goal is to help others.

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Benefits of group work LED by children

When I was a kid, my two friends, sister, and I decided to design and choreograph a dance show that we would perform for the neighborhood, to classics like “U Can’t Touch This.”

My mother, ever the big-thinker and philanthropist, suggested from the sidelines that we charge a nominal fee (about $0.50 for kids and $1 for adults) and donate the proceeds to a charity organization. Suddenly the dance show had more purpose than to simply display our talent and creativity. We decided to help other children through the Jimmy Fund and, quickly, we wanted to boost attendance to reach our goals.

Sure, I had taken dance lessons for years, but those felt very “me-centered” even within a group. With our neighborhood dance show, I not only had the freedom to design the routines and costumes, but also learned how to:

• Make decisions within a small group, when there is no de facto leader;
• Resolve conflict;
• Motivate others to join the show or attend;
• Troubleshoot issues, such as technology (boom boxes!) and wardrobe (old sequined unitards!);
• Speak up in order for my opinion to be heard;
• Inspire others to want to attend to support our cause;
• Think beyond myself to how I could improve the community; and
• Multiply our impact.

Related: Why I don’t want my daughter to be polite

With minimal structure or parental involvement, we learned more about how to operate in the real world than we could have through a camp or organized activity.

After your child engages in a group activity, use these sample questions to encourage reflection.

• What went well?
• What would you like to try differently next time?
• How did you feel when you were with the group?
• What is each person good at?
• How did you help the group?

Download your free worksheet here —> Group Reflection Worksheet for Kids.

This is What a Leader Looks Like

The power of collective action is immeasurable and not teachable in a classroom. Our impact is greater together, and the most successful way to reach change.

This is just one of five strategies we use to help your child embrace her leadership skills in the 5 Day Reboot to Raising Confident Girls.

Join the free series today, to have actionable steps delivered to your inbox for the next five days.

You’ll learn other tips seldom discussed in leadership conversations, such as how to teach the “isms,” foster her dedication to the community, provide real life role models, and encourage her to use her voice.

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