How do you raise a kid citizen? Interview with Dina Shoukry of KidCitizen

Over the last couple of years, many of you have expressed concern about raising children in a world that still feels consumed with hatred and oppression. As a parent or caregiver, how can we raise kid citizens who understand the world around them, and work to make it better?

I’m thrilled today to spotlight Dina Shoukry, founder of KidCitizen. Located in the borough of Wandsworth in the U.K., Dina helps parents to empower their children to make a positive impact on our communities and our world.

Hi Dina, thanks for being a part of our Feminist Changemaker Interview Series, and for chatting with me today! What was your impetus for starting KidCitizen?

I started KidCitizen for my kids. We live in a nice part of London which is hugely diverse, but I’ve noticed, over the years, divisions growing along ethnic and predominantly, socio-economic lines and quite frankly I did not want my kids growing up in a white middle class bubble. I strongly believe that these divisions are detrimental to our society. I believe that today’s leaders have let us down as world politics, has swung forcefully to the right.

If we raise our kids to be tomorrow’s leaders, then perhaps our planet has a future. If we raise a whole society of kids who are empathetic, caring and worldly then then next society has a chance. I think this starts at a young age. As parents, we need to set the foundations early and talk to our kids in an age appropriate way as they grow.

You’ve discussed the five pillars of being a Kid Citizen. Will you share those with our readers, and why they’re important?

There are five broad pillars to being a KidCitizen. These are:

1.Be kind – raise your kids to be kind, compassionate and empathetic. Empathy is at the heart of what it means to be human. It will help them to act ethically and to stand in the face of bullying whether they are kids or adults.

2. Be green – raise your kids to care for the environment. Our planet keeps us alive, teach your kids to respect it.

3. Be charitable –Teach kids to care for those less well off than themselves. This really is so important because in our fast and on-demand world, everything is take, take, take. We can have what we want when we want it. Kids are constantly being marketed to and want instant gratification. Teach them to give, to do something for someone else and to take pride in that.

4. Celebrate diversity – expose your kids to other cultures, languages and religions. Teach them that we are all equal and different in the most wonderful of ways. Teach them to appreciate others, their beliefs and their cultures. In turn, they will reject bigotry and stand up for diversity.

5. Talk tricky issues – Talk, talk, talk! We all want to wrap up our kids in cotton wool and protect them from the world, but doing so just leaves them ill prepared for what’s outside their front door. I strongly believe that we have to face tricky issues and talk to our kids openly and honesty in an age appropriate way. Talk to your kids about race, about refugees, about poverty, about disability, about body safety and so many more issues that you face in your community. It will help them to grow, to understand their role in the society, to deal with challenges and to take an active part in society.

What are some of the barriers to raising a Kid Citizen in today’s culture?

Society’s norms are a challenge. When my (then) five-year old asked me why Cinderalla was black in the Christmas pantomime (that’s a traditional Christmas play here in the UK), I realised that this was because in every book and Disney movie, Cinderella is white.

When he asked me if the food we gave to the local foodbank was going abroad, I realised it was because every charity poster he had seen shows kids from Africa or India rather than struggling families, right here in our neighbourhood. Kids learn from what they see, and they will always be influenced by the media and what society dictates is the norm, which is why it is so important, as parents that we show them that there is so much more to the world. It’s ironic really, the barriers are the very society that we are asking them to be a part of. But only by being a part of it can they change it.

Only by challenging societal norms will they succeed in making it more equal.

As a child, were you aware of injustices in the world? How do you hope to shape your children’s experiences the same or differently?

Yes and no. I used to visit Egypt a lot as a child (my father’s homeland) and I saw poverty everywhere. It was normal to see kids in the street, dirty and wearing threadbare clothes. It exposed me to poverty, but it didn’t necessarily expose me to the concept of injustice. I feel ashamed saying that, but I grew up in a bubble myself. A safe, secure, loving bubble that my parents had created for me, protecting me from all that was unpleasant in the world. Everything was someone else’s problem. Although my parents gave to charity, I grew up believing that was the way of the world, there will always be rich and poor, “them and us” and whenever possible, it’s our duty to help by giving. Beyond that, I didn’t think about where those kids slept at night, why they were poor and what I had that they may be missing out on.

It was only when I was at university that I started to get angry and realise that helping isn’t simply about giving handouts, it’s about changing society, changing laws and changing behaviors. It starts from the way you view people and treat them and goes all the way up to fighting the system. I hope to raise my kids with a worldly view on life as my parents did, but I’m trying to go one step further and empower them, to make them understand that there is no “them and us,” it’s all “us.”

It’s not someone else’s problem, it is “our problem.” I want to show them that they have an important role to play in making a change.

What’s an everyday activity you use to teach your children about the world? 

Looking at the Atlas. We have the Usborne Big Picture Atlas for kids and it’s fantastic. Open the page randomly and talk to your kids about that country. What language do they speak there? What is their national dress? What kind of animals do they have there? When there are specific national days, or cultural events, we make arts and crafts to celebrate. In February, we made a simple dragon out of cardboard and a paper plate for Chinese New Year. For Pride month, we go to the parade. For black history month, we’ll read books about black heroes. I just watched Kevin Hart’s Guide to Black History on Netflix with my seven-year old and he loved it.

Read Dina’s tips on 10 things you can do to volunteer with your children.

It seems every day that there is bad news in the U.S., usually with more hatred or oppression directed toward a marginalized group. Is the atmosphere in the U.K. the same or different? 

Yep! I have one word for you, Brexit! The UK’s disastrous plan (I use the word plan lightly) to leave the EU. Brexit which came about largely because of a fear of refugees and migrants, has really divided Britain. It’s divided families, friends and communities. In my view, it’s one of the worst things that have happened to us in recent history. History shows that we need our neighbours in every crisis, in every victory and in every successful partnership, yet Britain is turning its back on everyone and becoming very insular. I myself am a first-generation Brit and when the Brexiteers won the vote to leave the EU, I was devastated and for the first time in my life here felt, different, like I didn’t belong.

Our society has become less and less tolerant as a whole, less open, less welcoming and less the Britain I know and love. We don’t have a pique in racist attacks but what feels worse is how divided a society we have become. People are co-existing and tolerating each other rather than come together as a community. There is a prevalent “us and them” attitude.

However, it’s not all doom and gloom. There are amazing community programmes and grass roots initiatives to unite people from different ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds. The arts in general in the UK are very supportive of diversity. London is different, as it voted to remain, and we are lucky that the capital is still a thriving multi-ethnic, inter faith, mixed socio-economic bag, but it is very different in the rest of the country.

What are the strategies you use to raise boys to defy traditional notions of masculinity?

The best strategy to teach kids is to lead by example. My husband and I share the responsibilities of parenthood together. We both work, we both do the cooking, washing, cleaning, bathing the kids, etc. Heck, we even both take out the garbage! We talk to each other with respect. I think that’s where it starts.

Related: the Mental Load of Parenthood

Above and beyond that, we have books with male and female protagonists. We let our kids be whoever they want to be and when they come home from school saying that “pink is a girl colour,” we are quick to correct them. We arrange play dates with boys and girls so that our boys learn to respect girls from an early age. It’s not always easy because society’s norms infiltrate our kids. Society is constantly going to be whispering in our kids’ ears so it’s our job to whisper even louder!

More: the value of mixed-gender play

The word “feminist” has gone through many transformations, and historically left out many people, including women of color. When did you first identify as a feminist and what do you hope for the future of feminism?

I grew up in a conservative, Middle Eastern family so I think I was a closet feminist way before I knew what the term really meant. I fought for things my whole life that my brother didn’t need to, but they were simple things, I wasn’t changing the world!  So, I didn’t see myself as an activist or a feminist until I became a mum.

I put up with sexist comments and attitudes at work from men (and women) by the way because I just thought that’s the way things are. It was only when I became a mum that I realised that they don’t have to be that way and more importantly they shouldn’t be that way and I could do something about it. I felt the freedom to finally be me and rip away all expectations of me whether it was my work’s or society’s or my family’s, it was all rubbish because being a mum was the most important job I had.

Overnight, I became a role model. I scrutinised every part of my life and realised there were some things I didn’t like. It was at that point that people’s opinions of me didn’t matter as much as my kids’ opinions of me did. So really, I think that was the point when I stopped being a closet feminist and felt confident enough to be a real feminist. And that takes me to the feminism of the future, I hope that it’s not a concept that people discover, but rather one that they are brought up with. I’m hoping it will no longer be extraordinary but will be the norm. That is why I’m raising my boys as feminists.

You asked me recently who is inspiring me, and I want to ask you the same question! Where are you finding inspiration lately?

I am finding the most inspiration, lately from an 11- year-old girl. She is a refugee here in the UK and was sponsored to come over to the UK with her family by the Welcome Committee. She came in November, not speaking a word of English, not having gone to school for four years and not having left her family’s side since then either. She has a terribly damaged leg from an explosive device. She started school here which for any 11 year- old is daunting, but despite the language barrier and the pain she suffers in her leg on a daily basis, she loves it. The teachers love her, and she has already made friends.

I think about her and how courageous and happy she is. I can’t tell you who she is because this is her story, not mine, but I’m pretty sure she is going to make something of herself in the future and one day she can tell the world her story herself.

What is your favorite social justice book for children?

“We are all born free” published by Amnesty International. Each page of this book celebrates each declaration of the UN Declaration of Human Rights with an illustration by an internationally-renowned artist or illustrator.

Sometimes my kids and I read through the whole book and sometimes we dwell on each page discussing the pictures and talking about what each right means.

The beauty of this book is that you can read it over and over again, and discover different things to talk about each time. As your kids get older, your discussions about each declaration can become more extensive. My kids are seven and four and we like to talk about feelings. For the declaration against torture, we ask questions: “How would you feel if someone hurt you? What would you do if you saw someone else being hurt?” They don’t understand the true extent of torture as they are too young, but in simple terms, they understand it is hurting another, and that is wrong – that’s enough for now!

Related: Book Review: If You’re Going to a March

If you could tell your 15-year-old self one thing, what would it be?

Believe in yourself, be confident and believe that you can make a change. What you have to say is important. Work hard, be open minded, try new things, don’t be scared and be heard. In fact, that’s what I tell my sons, although they are only 4 and 7!

Thank you so much, Dina! It was a joy to speak with you today. The Think or Blue community and I are very grateful to the work that you do to help parents feel more confident about teaching kids about the world. Your tips are incredibly helpful for us to build kid citizens. What questions do you have for Dina, or about raising kid citizens? Ask below.

To find Dina, check out her Linktree, Instagram, blog on Medium, andFacebook