The phrase “boys don’t cry” has been repeated for generations. Traditional stereotypes often force boys to present a strong and controlled exterior. Yet, a study reveals that these expectations put boys’ mental health at risk. In fact, men are at a higher risk for substance abuse and are two to four times more likely to commit suicide compared to women because they’re often shamed for showing vulnerability and emotions, even at a young age.
As a loving parent or guardian, you can support your child’s full emotional range by ending this harmful stereotype.
It’s more than okay for boys to express their own emotions — and here’s how you can teach boys that it’s okay to cry:
Refrain from instilling harmful gender stereotypes
Boys do cry. However, many boys choose not to express these emotions because of outdated, gender stereotypes.
Actor and public figure Matt McGorry has admitted that media and social norms constantly told him that it’s not okay for men to cry. Media and society shame boys for having traditionally “feminine” traits like sensitivity – or even sadness – so be mindful of media outlets or even personal behaviors that may repress your child’s emotions.
For example, pause for a minute whenever you’re tempted to say “you’re fine” to a little boy after he is hurt or sad. When you pause your thoughts then encourage their emotional expression, they’ll be supported to show how they’re feeling in healthier ways rather than bottling up their emotions.
Related: Boys and femininity: what are we so afraid of?
Communicate with your child daily
Communication is the key to many relationships. Unfortunately, both men and boys often struggle to communicate with each other effectively, especially when tears are involved.
Daily practice may be the key here. Experts from Gazi University discovered that parents who can communicate effectively are able to support their children’s emotional intelligence.
Talking about your days together is great, but take it one step further. Try listening actively to your child’s stories and simply reflect their thoughts without adding your personal comments. This simple yet meaningful activity teaches boys that it’s okay to cry and that they can express their emotions without receiving any judgment from their parents.
Provide safe spaces for your child’s emotions and grief
Communication can be a challenge for kids when processing big emotions like grief.
Grieving can be especially difficult for boys. Kids under the age of five typically don’t understand the finality of death, according to Maryville University. This is why they react with anger, anxiety, or distress. Though this can be stressful, help them understand loss with concrete language to explain the events and guide them through their emotional response. Your emotional guidance will serve as an anchor for your child and allow them to process big events like loss, defeat, and more.
Serve as a good example for your child through healthy emotional regulation
Displaying your emotional intelligence can go a long way in the developmental growth of your kid.
Marilyn Chapman, a professor emeritus at the University of British Columbia stresses that it’s crucial for parents to teach kids how to understand and express their emotions in a healthy manner. While kids may get physically aggressive between the ages of two to five, she says that this is a good time for parents to demonstrate their own emotional intelligence and coach their children on how to manage their emotions.
To illustrate, encourage the men in your child’s life to refrain from dismissing your child’s feelings. Ask them to instead be open in expressing their emotions with your child. You can also teach boys that it’s okay to cry by openly communicating your thoughts and feelings about personal events in a compassionate and gentle manner.
Develop their emotional intelligence through books
Books are an excellent way for boys to better understand their feelings and learn from role models. Luckily, there are many books that can mirror and validate the emotions of your child.
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Books to try:
It’s OK to Cry by Molly Potter provides eye-catching illustrations and helpful text that can guide kids as they experience a whole range of emotions.
Meanwhile, older boys can read My Mixed Emotions by Elinor Greenwood and All About Feelings by Felicity Brooks at Usborne to learn how to identify and handle emotions like sadness, anxiety, or fear.
It can be heartbreaking to see your little boy cry. But rather than dismiss his emotions, take this opportunity to validate his feelings and teach him that it’s healthy to let those tears out sometimes.
Ember Louise Mackenzie is a family and lifestyle blogger who enjoys writing about fresh strategies that can help numerous families. She loves that her freelance career enables her to learn new parenting hacks and spend more time with her kids.
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