We learned recently from Slate that former Vice President Joe Biden has been peddling some patriarchal pleasantries upon our country’s young children.
One of his popular instructions to girls is “no dates until you’re 30.” After taking in the girl’s appearance, he reportedly turns to their parents and suggests, “You better build a big fence around your house.”
And boys in the vicinity are not excused. Brothers of the targets receive their own instructions from one of the most powerful people to serve in the United States. “You have one job: Keep boys away from your sister.”
Reports and tweets show that Biden uses these lines again and again. No matter the recent complaints of women who’ve said they’ve felt uncomfortable by the way he has touched them in the past. Like a bad stand-up comic, he uses the tired, misogynistic lines over and over.
“Lock up your daughters” joke is harmful to all children
The “lock up your daughters” mentality isn’t new. This aging joke, supposedly reclaimed as cute, funny, and ironic, has grabbed ahold of baby onesies and bibs.
Rebecca Roache’s tweet in April about this onesie was met with reactions both outraged and dismissive.
Brisco Baby’s website features a similar onesie with the caption: “This is your one and only warning: lock up your daughters parents because we have one handsome little boy here and he is going to be praying on those baby dolls like only a true little baby player can!”
Our culture loves the protective daddy / needy daughter trope. Especially if the daughter is pretty and pure. Sounds like the start of a good animated movie.
We also seem to love the “heartbreaker” joke for little boys.
So IS this stuff cute?
Related: the problem with color-coding our children
The effects of misogyny on all children and teens
Journalist Emma Roller aptly summarized the major problems with Biden’s “jokes” on Slate. But as a parent of a three year-old girl who is keenly observant, and imbibes every comment from every friend and stranger, the impact of this rhetoric weighs heavily in my heart.
The messages people hear as children shape the adults they become. And the messages of so-called important men in power echo a bit more loudly than the rest.
So, then, let’s dump the laundry list of negative consequences:
11 problems with Biden’s sexualized comments about girls
(And yes, these comments are of a sexual nature, even if he hasn’t said anything about sexual conduct involving himself. If this concept is unfamiliar, go join a sexual harassment training immediately. After all, why would a fence be needed if there’s nothing sexual involved?)
The “lock up your daughters” jokes inform girls:
1. He notices how you look. Yup, the former Vice President is more concerned with your appearance than your grades. Shouldn’t he be asking if I’m on the honor roll, instead?
2. Your appearance is pretty damn important. Not only did the Vice President notice how you look, but right after “Hi Natalie” it was the Very. First. Thing. He. Said.
Related: 9 things to say to girls instead of “you’re pretty”
3. Most people are judging how you look. It doesn’t matter if you’ve dressed up for a serious occasion and sat quietly for three hours in some boring hearing or political event. It’s not about solving homelessness and health care; it’s always about the shape of your body, the style of your clothes, and how pretty your face is.
4. Even when you grow up to be a woman in the workplace, people will judge how you look. Don’t let the suits and ties and pomp and circumstance fool you. Your peers and supervisors will care if you look too sexy in that pencil skirt or too frumpy in those flats. Start to set aside extra time to deliberate the happy medium. Sorry, kid, the sexualization police doesn’t end in high school.
5. Men in power can comment on your appearance without consequence. Get used to it. Because, really, who could you complain to? No one’s going to hold our presidents accountable. Learn the sacred, historical art of laughing nervously and glancing down while men in power make you uncomfortable or step out of line.
6. You should listen to old men’s advice about who and when you should date. It doesn’t really matter what YOU want, sweetie. Old white men know best, and if they say you should wait to date until you’re 30, you should listen. Especially to this guy – after all, he says he’s the best person to run the country. He probably knows a lot.
7. If you ARE interested in boys right now, you might be a little slutty. If you’ve already dated, before the age of 30, or – god forbid – had sex, you shouldn’t have. How dare you be interested in romance as a teenager.
8. But if you’re NOT interested in boys right now, maybe something’s wrong with you. Wait, what’s heteronormativity? You mean, not all girls are interested in boys or will be pursued by boys? What’s that you say about focusing on drama club instead of dating? Hmmm… if you don’t love the idea of boys chasing after you, there must be something wrong with you.
9. The men in your family are responsible for your social life. I’ve just instructed your father and brothers to make a big fence to protect you. So… be sure to ask your dopey 14 year-old brother if you can go to the prom or not. He’s in control.
10. Fear the boys who are interested in you. Parents, turn your suburban ranch into a medium security correctional facility, because boys are to be feared. And never trusted. After all, gals, they’re only after your virginity – they couldn’t possibly be interested in your mind and your ideas. Good luck forming healthy relationships now!
11. You can’t be trusted, either. Did you actually think you could make your OWN decisions about your social life? Nah… other men will make them for you because you probably wouldn’t choose correctly. Don’t worry, it gets worse. Just wait until you try to get birth control and reproductive care.
Related:
Boys and femininity: what’s the big deal?
9 Impacts of Sexism on Boys:
And, of course, our boys don’t walk away unscathed after hearing Biden’s instructions. “You’ve got one job; keep the guys away from your sister.” Even as uninterested bystanders, hearing sexist jokes impact how they see the world and people around them.
1. Congrats, you’re responsible for your sister’s dating life. I know you just want to play video games and go to soccer practice, but you have a new chore now. This is called being a man, so please step up to the plate.
2. Your sister is sexy, but you’re strong. Remember that.
3. Girls can’t make good decisions on their own. They need men in their lives for some good ole fashioned common sense. (Feel free to grow into a man who explains to women why there’s no wage gap.)
4. Girls are property. You know how you bought that fence/rifle to protect your home, your car, and your belongings? Well, your sister is another one of those things. If you’re lucky, your dad can trade her for something good in a few years.
5. YOU should pursue girls, too. Doesn’t matter if you’re into boys, or you haven’t figured that out yet, or you just don’t care about dating right now. Someone’s coming after your sister for dates, and if you’re a real man, you should be chasing, too.
6. Boys can’t be reasoned with. They want what they want, and they want it right now. It requires another man to stand up to them.
7. Men will frequently fight with each other about girls and women. Even if you’re not the violent type, when it comes to the womenfolk, get ready for a fight. Get ready to be tough.
8. Dating and dominance go hand in hand. It’s okay to have power struggles when it comes to dating. Whoever is loudest or most powerful will probably win.
9. Boys will be boys. All of the aforementioned behavior – pursuit without reason, dating and dominance, power struggles – go without consequence. Boys will be boys and this is how we act. Welcome to the party, boys!
In April, Biden acknowledged that “social norms are changing.” Too bad he hasn’t applied that philosophy to our youngest citizens.
Photo: “VP Joe Biden Visit 10,” Penn State Live, License CC 2.0
Click here for the free guide: 7 Easy Ways to Parent Beyond Stereotypes
Leave a Reply