When was the last time you got really, really mad? I’m talking throw something against the wall, scream at the top of your lungs in the car kind of mad.
If it happens a lot lately, especially with depressing news seemingly every day, I don’t blame you.
If you’re more of a relaxed, zen type, I give you a lot of credit.
Anger is typically considered a negative emotion. Especially for girls and women. But… I actually think there are some upsides to anger.
Let’s talk Supreme Court
I saw the RBG documentary and loved it.
Actually, I saw it twice – once with family, and once with co-workers. I couldn’t help myself!
There are many things to love about Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg:
- her infamous workouts and planks
- her attendance at Harvard Law as one of 9 women in a class of 500,
- her gradual but intentional chipping away of sex discrimination through case law in the ’70s,
- her devoted husband;
- her scathing dissent in the controversial Hobby Lobby case about corporations and birth control;
- her understanding of the importance of marriage equality; and
- her dedication to working with opposing viewpoints
She’s not perfect, though. Many have criticized Justice Ginsburg for speaking out on political issues when judicial tradition has tended to stay silent. And more alarming was her dismissive response to Colin Kaepernick’s early protest in the NFL about racial inequity. Though she later apologized for speaking too quickly about a topic she didn’t know much about, her comments stung anyone who cares about racial justice, even her truest fans.
Despite these flaws, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has developed quite the fan base. And with the recent addition of Kavanaugh, liberals are desperate for RBG to remain on the bench as long as possible.
Be a lady, and other motherly advice
Women and girls can learn many lessons from RBG the human, and from RBG the documentary. The documentary portrayed her as a person who thinks incredibly deeply about the law, and who consistently reaches out to colleagues, even those who disagree, to engage in a deep conversations. Refreshing, considering how polarized most social topics are today.
Having graduated from college in 1954, her parents must have done something so right or so unique to have raised a daughter this way before it was fashionable to do so.
But there’s one thing that RBG’s mother, Celia Bader, got wrong. She taught Ruth:
1) Be independent, so that you never need to depend on another person for financial security; and
2) Be a lady; anger is a useless quality.
Hmm… financial independence is wonderful, but you can probably guess how I feel about anyone telling anyone else to be a lady. But this was the ’40’s, so I’ll cut her mom some slack.
However, I disagree strongly about anger.
Let Girls be Angry
Our culture socializes girls early and often to “be nice,” “polite,” and respectful.
When men display anger, we call them competitive or passionate. When women show that they’re mad, they are called hysterical and irrational.
And of course, when black women display the tiniest bit of emotion, people are quick to denounce them as the “angry black woman” trope, such as Serena Williams, Representative Maxine Waters (D-CA) and countless others. At its worst, this trope has harmful impacts on black women’s medical and mental health treatment.
Many black women continue to swallow microaggression after microaggression, fearful to be slapped with this stereotyped label.
The benefits of anger
Anger gets a bad rap. If you go on brainyquote.com, you’ll find lots of eloquent, deep thoughts that ponder the danger of anger and extol the virtues of serenity.
But anger can be really awesome. In fact, I’d go so far as to say we NEED women and girls and femmes to be angry right now.
Related:
Why I don’t want my kid to be polite
Raising girls in a high pressure culture
Help girls build rock star confidence
Anger can:
- Help us find purpose
We ask little kids what they want to be when they grow up, even though they only know about 2% of the careers that exist. And we tell teens and young adults to “find something they love.”
But what makes you angry? THAT’S your purpose. That’s where you should spend your time. Fix the problems you see in this world.
- Rally a community
Anger can bond us with others who share similar values. Over the past couple of years, I’ve developed friendships through Facebook groups and nearby rallies with people who care about the same issues. I even met a mom at a rally who turned out to be my neighbor! We may otherwise not have met.
Whether you’re cleaning up a public park or protesting immigration policies, there is beauty in uniting with community members to make positive change.
- Propel us to action
After a period of semi-complacency, I’ve heard several women say “I didn’t really care about politics before, but now I do.”
In the United States, we have a record number of women running for office in the 2018 midterm elections. Hopefully women will continue to run, without being asked, in the future.
- Get us pissed off enough to change sh*t
Anger is only positive if it’s used in the right way. If you let it simmer and sit, it might turn into anxiety or metaphoric paralysis.
The ever-wise Maya Angelou had sage thoughts about anger:
Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.”
Let our girls BURN. IT. ALL. CLEAN. and give us a fresh new slate.
Check back next week for Part 2 about girls and anger. In the meantime, be sure to get the free 5 Day Reboot to Raising Confident Girls.
The distinction between bitterness and anger is important and vital to your piece. And I appreciate the technique you called “sportscasting”. I know many adult women who are who are quite good at being angry, but because they haven’t been taught the underlying emotions, are not equipped to handle and understand the anger. They very comfortably stay in what becomes self-righteous anger without turning it into something useful or purposeful. Lastly, I’d be curious to hear your (or others’) thoughts on handling anger from teen girls. Thanks for a thought provoking piece!