My Unicorn Space Journey: Part 1

“The body remembers,” my new dance teacher said, after learning that I’d tap danced for 10 years as a child. 

Sure, I thought, but it’s been more than 25 years since I tried!

I stood there in my old jazz shoes – because I hadn’t had time to buy adult tap shoes since making the decision to re-live my “New York, New York” time-step days – wondering if my sore neck and wonky toe would hold up, marveling at the elegant but hip, self-possessed dance teacher with surely 40 years of experience. 

What am I doing here? 

I’m an early 40s mom & business owner with a list of minor aches and pains that I doubted would materialize in my 30s and couldn’t even imagine as a 6 year-old who did Buffalo steps in a gold sparkly leotard and matching hat. 

But then I remembered the encouragement of my Unicorn Book Club pals (“the Unis” – – more on that later) just days earlier… 

The adult tap class popped up online while I perused theater class for my 7 year-old.  (Not surprisingly, the number of minutes and hours I’ve browsed extracurricular activities for my child dramatically outweighs the mere seconds I’ve thought about my own enrichment.)

There was something on that screen for Adult Tap that called to me. I might be bored in a very basic beginner class – after all, I shuffle-ball-changed for 10 years – but the advanced beginner/intermediate class sounded perfect. 

Should I do it?

The typical objections swirled around my brain. Who am I to take time out of middle of the day to go dance? Shouldn’t I be working and earning money? I’m probably not in good enough shape for this. Isn’t this kind of selfish? Shouldn’t I be spending the time/money on my family instead? What if I look silly? 

Having just read Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky months before, I knew my objections weren’t dissimilar to other parents, especially moms, who are praised to high heavens for each level of “selflessness” they achieve.  After all, if we make ourselves smaller, perhaps we’ll finally be considered the “good moms” we long to be. Right?

Uh… I don’t think that’s working.

WHAT’S YOUR LINE?

In the book, Rodsky asks parents, “what’s your line?” Meaning – – what’s your objection to reserve time to engage in meaningful activities that light you up?  

• My family comes first
• I should spend my time in service of the household or earning money
• I work so much; any extra time should be spent with the kids
• I feel guilty being away when my family needs me so much
• “Me time” feels so indulgent
• Even if I wanted a “hobby,” I’m embarrassed that I don’t even know how I want to spend my time

Check. Check. Check. 

So many of those objections run through my head when I see the tap class online. Including guilt for having a flexible job (really, Catherine, an 11am dance class on Mondays?) in which I create my own hours because many stressed parents don’t have that privilege in our capitalist, individualism-driven culture. I mean, time to ourselves to feel good shouldn’t BE a privilege.

But the system + guilt = zero “me time.”

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In the book, Katherine Goldstein says, “Mothers aren’t failures. Rather, America has failed us. There are systemic forces and obstacles that make the work of mothers hard, and yet we tend to feel guilty about the space we need away from our children or our partners, the space we need for ourselves to be creative and fulfilled individuals.” 

Would I let those obstacles, self-doubt and guilt hold me back? 

For months, I’d been feeling a pull to do something more creative. Maybe scrapbooking, I thought. I used to love making scrapbooks for my niece and nephew before Shutterfly rendered it almost archaic. 

Or maybe I have an undiscovered talent for painting? But, as much as I enjoy watching Bob Ross occasionally, it would have to be abstract – I don’t have the patience for tiny details right now. 

Even though I wanted to find something creative, those options didn’t have a magnetic pull on me.

THE WEIRDEST THING I’VE EVER DONE: Unicorn Space #1

When I read Unicorn Space, I realized two things: (1) creative fulfillment doesn’t have to actually involve art. You might learn the trumpet or chart your genealogy. And (2) some of the coolest ideas arise from combining your values and interests. The book provides a list of values to choose from, and a creativity remix that helps you put it altogether. 

Through my own creativity remix exercise, I had a former Unicorn Space epiphany – I’ve done this before!  

I described the incident once publicly to Cara at the Love Your Bod Pod as the “weirdest thing I’ve ever done.” 

In 2014, my husband and I experienced pregnancy loss. For most of the year, I worried that I would never be able to have children. It was one of the lowest times of my life. The highlight of the year was not only getting to see my favorite band, Paramore, play live after a several year hiatus, but getting VIP tickets to meet them backstage before the show. 

In those pre-kid days, I loved to cook and try new recipes. When I heard online that lead singer Hayley Williams was experimenting with plant-based eating, I decided to whip up a mini cookbook for her.

It was half concert-scrapbook, half cookbook. Recipe names were witty twists on Paramore songs, like You Can’t Be Too Kale-Ful Anymore. (If you know, you know.) I even printed out an extra copy for me that she signed. Obviously, I keep this on the shelf as memorabilia.

Did Hayley ever use the cookbook? I don’t know. But it almost doesn’t matter. 

It was a passion project that brought together three loves of mine: scrapbooking + cooking + Paramore. Yes… this is what Unicorn Space is. Not just an obligatory Paint & Sip, but a curiosity-based interest that you want to share with others.

WILL I BURN DOWN GUILT & SHAME?

So…back to tap.

When I found the class online, I texted my Unis – four local moms who, together,  kicked off our inaugural book club session with the Unicorn Space book. We each began to explore our own individual Unicorn Space journeys and provide regular updates to each other.

I shared my doubts about tap and asked for their opinion. Of course, they supported me without hesitation:

I knew, deep down, that this is the response they would give me. And probably the response I was searching for. It’s what I needed to push me over into the risky waters of adult tap. A little encouragement. A small group of friends rooting me on. 

And I loved it! My tap teacher was right. The body DOES remember, even if it feels a little shakier than before. 

I was exhilarated on Day 1.

Eight weeks later, not only have I met cool people I wouldn’t have otherwise, but tap class gave me that “runners’ high” people talk about. My intense concentration on the steps obliterate any thoughts of a to-do list, and I get to use my here-and-now body for something I love.

Without the support of my Unis, I might have just kept scrolling. But now, here I am, ready to sign up for my second 8-week session of adult tap class!

This also wouldn’t happen without an egalitarian partner who does his fair share of household work and child care. Without that, or a system like Fair Play, it would be next to impossible.

This is why, when you try to burn down guilt and shame, rebuild a system that devalues caregiving, AND give yourself permission to be interesting, it’s so much more effective with a community to back you up. Cheering you to try something scary and different. Rooting for you to take that leap.

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Head here for Part 2 of my Unicorn Space journey. What is it and how do you figure out what YOUR unicorn space is?

Want to find your own Unis & get inspired to get the most out of this next phase of life? Don’t wait until your kids grow up. Juicy, creative expression is waiting just around the corner. You can have it now. 

Let’s work together, so you can feel more supported at home, carve out dependable time for you to thrive & find your OWN Unicorn Space.