What would you do with a free day?
For burned out moms, that question might seem ridiculous.
“I don’t know… sleep? Watch trashy tv?” In fact, my recent informal social media poll reveals SLEEP as the #1 request. You’re exhausted; rightly so. But after that big long nap – – then what?
The term Unicorn Space probably isn’t the first thing that pops in your head.
But how about we change that?
WHAT IS UNICORN SPACE?
I’ve never declared a “Word of the Year,” for myself. But if I had, it would have been Unicorn Space.
So… what IS Unicorn Space?
Is it an hour to watch Grey’s Anatomy re-runs with no kids bugging you? Is it an hour at pilates class? Even though those activities sound satisfying, and may fit into the larger self-care umbrella (rest + fitness) – they’re not exactly Unicorn Space. At least, not yet.
Eve Rodsky’s book, which originally coined the term, defines it as, “the active and open pursuit of self-expression in any form, and which requires value-based curiosity and purposeful sharing of this pursuit with the world.”
My first foray into Unicorn Space started by forming a mini book club and dusting off my rusty tap dancing skills. Read Part 1 here.
YOUR LIST OF EXCUSES
I can already sense your resistance. With women doing almost 3 times the housework as men globally, and with child care time actually increasing for women who work outside the home – – your plate already feels full. And you can feel it – mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Plus, 86% of moms who work outside the home say carry the vast majority of the mental load at home, and 52% say they feel burned out by it. It’s no surprise that creative pursuits feel unrealistic or indulgent.
But Unicorn Space isn’t a reward you get when your kids finally start grade school. It’s not a prize handed to you when they graduate high school. There’s never going to be a perfect time to fill your soul and no one will ever hand you the time and space.
It’s your birthright, as a human being, to enjoy this life and do what lights you up. I’d say it’s also an obligation for women to role model to the younger generation that we’re not just here to serve. Enough with the self-sacrifice myth that only perpetuates a martyr mentality and pursuit of false perfectionism for women who come next.
Yes, it’s a lot easier to do when you have a supportive partner who shares the mental load, and a system in place to run your household. As a certified Fair Play facilitator, I love coaching couples to use that method for a balanced home ecosystem. But you don’t have to wait until things are perfect.
Related: What is the Fair Play method?
In fact, the mere action of contemplating Unicorn Space may be the catalyst you’ve been waiting for to make things more equitable at home. Both you AND your partner deserve time and space to feel creatively fulfilled. Supporting each other’s journeys will help you get there faster.
But if you’ve forgotten what lights you up because you’re buried in diapers and baseball practice and packing lunches, you’re not alone.
Values-Based Curiosity
So how do you figure out what your Unicorn Space is? Some people get tripped up on the word “creativity” because they don’t consider themselves artsy or creative. I can’t draw! I can’t paint! That’s okay; it doesn’t have to be artsy.
In Unicorn Space, Rodsky counsels us to reflect: What am I curious about?
It’s “a desire, an itch, a burning, a hunger,” she says. This is why watching Love is Blind or getting massages – while both might be relaxing and serve your need to unwind – don’t exactly qualify as Unicorn Space. So ask yourself….
What would I love to learn more about?
What was once interesting to me?
What would I love to discover or rediscover?
If you don’t know the answers, ask yourself: when do I feel most alive, energized, engaged, or fulfilled?
READY FOR A CREATIVITY REMIX?
This is when things really started to gel! The Unicorn Space book has a values checklist in which you can circle and make notes.
When I first approached Unicorn Space, I thought maybe I’d do something artsy or crafty with my hands, like scrapbooking or knitting. But when I skimmed craft store classes for making wreaths and watercolor painting, nothing grabbed my attention. The gravitational pull wasn’t strong enough, which was a sign. So I kept thinking.
The Creativity Remix exercise helped me mix together my values and my interests. THIS is the gold right here, my friends! I jotted down random interests and experiences that I’ve cared about, both past and present.
Mine looked like this:
My handwriting (which I hadn’t planned to publish) reads: dance – tap, ballet, hip hop; Italy, cooking, reading, Gilmore Girls, Paramore, crafty- scrapbooking etc.
Maybe you have a budding or old interest that seems silly – like you wrote poems in 7th grade or became fascinated with astrology last year. Frankly, I felt silly writing down a television show at first. But I do have a years-long passion for Gilmore Girls, can quote it multiple times a day, and even went to a Fan Fest in 2018.
Once I crossed this interest with one of my values – family – a lightbulb went off!
GABBING GILMORE
I called my sister almost immediately and asked, “do you want to start a podcast about Gilmore Girls together?” She’s as a big of a fan as I am and it felt like the perfect combination.
Rather than recap the show episode by episode, we decided to talk about themes and characters. My sister and I love to chat about motherhood, feminism, relationships, racism, anti-fatness, the Enneagram, and pop culture. Why not carve out true time to discuss topics we care about and relate them to our favorite TV show?
It felt like a no-brainer. And the Gabbing Gilmore podcast was born.
Sharing Your Unicorn Space
As much as I enjoy tap dancing, my first intentional foray into Unicorn Space, I realized one element might be missing = SHARING. Rodsky encourages us to share our magic with the world.
You might wonder, can’t I just have one thing for myself? Do I have to share it with the world?
Listen, I get it. Sharing doesn’t mean you must create a YouTube channel for your singing or try to get your ceramics in an art gallery – although you could!
There are so many different ways to share, and ones that are less scary: family traditions and generational sharing; a friend or group with similar goals; connecting with community through the activity; giving back to your community or mentoring (the “Slay it Forward share); receiving feedback to hone your craft; or showcasing in some way.
By sharing our podcast quite literally with anyone in the world, my sister and I have strengthened our own bond and connected with people across the world who are just as passionate about Gilmore Girls as we are.
When you let yourself be known, when you express and share yourself outwardly with the world, you can be the source of someone else’s comfort, joy, inspiration and gain.” – Eve Rodsky
Where do I go from here?
As my own Unicorn Space has unfolded, twisted, and turned over the past year, I have unearthed another favorite unicorn activity – helping OTHER people find their Unicorn Space!
If you are in the depths of parenthood, burned out by daily life, and feel like you’ve lost the interesting person you used to be, I’d love to help. Reach out for more information about coaching and let’s make you feel vibrant and interesting again.
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