Do boys or girls have it easier?
Well, it depends on who you ask. And when you ask them.
Before I share MY answer (as a 9 year-old) to this deep question, let’s talk about children today.
Watch this video of little kids interviewed on Jimmy Kimmel about why they believe women are paid less than men, and see how the answers range. The last little kid seems to get it, saying “the world can be messed up.”
But so many other kids maintain a notion that the world has rules and the world is fair. They’ve learned, no doubt from many parents and teachers, that hard work equals success. If you practice and you work hard, you can improve. You can get good results.
Therefore, the corollary must also be true?
Meaning, you will NOT have success if you don’t work hard.
And taking it even a step further – that lack of success means lack of hard work.
But we know, when it comes to workplace salaries and promotions, that hard work is not the only factor. Women, especially women of color, are paid drastically less than their white counterparts, even with less education.
Kids are kids. I get it. I don’t expect them to know everything about the world. As preschoolers, they haven’t learned everything about oppression and injustice yet.
But when we – parents and caregivers and teachers – have regular conversations with children and teens about injustices and bias, about stereotypes and institutional oppression, they begin to see the world a little differently.
Instead of buying the “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” mentality – one that ignores roadblocks like redlining, the school to prison pipeline, and long-term impacts of sexism and racism in the workplace – our children begin to see things in a more nuanced way.
So who has it easier: boys or girls?
I found this paper while rifling through old memory bins (thank you, Mom, for being entertained by me AND saving congratulation cards from the day of my birth!) And I had to laugh.
After all, as a 9 year-old, did I not have this pretty darn accurate?
This mini essay says:
“Do you think boys or girls have it easier?” (Guessing this was the teacher’s question.)
My answer:
“I think when boys and girls are my age, girls have it easier. Many boys act very tough and put pressure on other boys to fight, race, arm wrestle, and so on.
When you are older, men have it easier. No woman has ever been President. Men get jobs easily. Women are the ones [who] are pregnant. Many women cook and iron for their family.”
Clearly, I felt like ironing and birthing babies were the raw end of the deal.
Makes me want to cry a little bit for my 9 year-old self. If I’d told her that she wouldn’t see any female presidents in the next 30 years, she would have been devastated. And a little bit perplexed.
It also makes me want to cry a little bit for the 9 year-old boys who are now 40 year-old men. Because even I could see, as a young girl, that masculinity was not real. It was artificial. A cover. Something that boys had to adapt to, or risk social standing.
Boys “act” tough…
They “put pressure” on each other….
Were those boys able to identify those pressures, too? Can grown men today recognize how this faux masculinity still shapes their ability to be themselves, express their emotions, and form relationships?
I remember thinking as a kid that I was grateful not to be a boy because I didn’t want to be forced to do those things. Arm wrestling and acting tough were not for me.
And my adult tears don’t stop there. I also want to cry for the little 9 year-old boys today who STILL face these gender stereotypes. These ridiculous expectations for “manhood” that someone else created for them.
This mini essay is definitely a bit too binary for my adult taste. Today I’d phrase things a little differently – I understand that gender is a complicated spectrum. But young me wasn’t so wrong about the world then and the world today.
The influence of adults questioning gender stereotypes and inequality
What I do know is that adults have a strong influence – not only on children’s ideas, but on their critical thinking skills.
When kids learn definitive rules like “hard work leads to good results” or “smart kids do well in school” or “practice makes perfect” – they will have a harder time imagining the gray area.
What if our children learn that there are exceptions to every rule? Where people’s lived experiences have a significant impact on their future? A world where each of us has unconscious bias that shapes our beliefs?
Yes, I did have a strong interest in “fairness” as a child, which eventually led me to law school as a young adult. But the influence of my feminist mom no doubt impacted the way I saw the world. Not only did my parents raise ideas about inequality, but they encouraged me to use critical thinking skills.
This gives me hope that we, as parents, don’t have to have all the answers. Simply starting a conversation and asking children what they think can lead to massive change over time.
So what’s the answer? Who has it easier?
Well, even though there are some indisputable truths in here – boys typically have to act tough and no woman has ever been president (sigh) – there isn’t one simple answer to this question. I think we can all agree that gender stereotypes and sexism are harmful to everyone, no matter your sex or gender.
Let’s keep talking about gender norms with our kids so that my daughter won’t have to write a similar essay one day.
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