Why Boys Need Positive Body Image, Too

“Body image troubles? Diet talk? Fear of getting fat? 

Thank goodness I only have boys, I don’t have to worry about that.” 

Have you ever heard comments like this? Perhaps you’ve said them yourself? Parents often believe that body image discussions aren’t needed with boys; that only girls are susceptible to body dissatisfaction.

Sadly, that’s not true. We need to encourage positive body image for boys too, and do the work.

Why do we assume boys don’t need support with body image?

Parents often have expectations for boys and girls as they reach adolescence and the teen years that are very different from each other. The trouble is, these expectations are often rooted in gender stereotypes. (Read more about the problems with gender stereotypes.)

These expectations include:

Girls will exhibit a constant roller coaster of emotions. 

Girls will have lots of drama.

Boys are easier as teens – they require less attention and have less drama. 

We believe that girls feel things deeply and that boys don’t. 

Are any of these gender stereotypes true? 

Sure, hormonal changes happen at different times for every adolescent, and in different ways. Developmental stages can certainly cause changes in children that are often perplexing. 

But we often forget a very important element – socialization. 

If boys indeed show fewer emotions, it’s not because they HAVE fewer emotions. It’s largely because our society has conditioned them not to DISPLAY and share their emotions.

This starts young. As a society, we tell boys not to cry, and to “man up.” Even subtly, we tell them to “shake off” those tough emotions and move on quickly. Adults are often uncomfortable with displays of emotion when they never learned tools to cope themselves. In addition, parents are uncomfortable when boys present any behavior deemed traditionally “feminine.”

Boys and femininity: what are we so scared of?

So we silence boys. We discourage them their whole lives from expressing and owning their emotions. Then we pretend that causation is all biological.

Similarly, we assume that girls will be the only ones to struggle with body image.

Two reasons why parents need to support boys’ positive body image:

1. Boys experience body dissatisfaction, too.

Just think about superhero movies, which have dominated the silver screen for the last decade. Films imply that honorable and courageous heroes need popping biceps, broad shoulders, and defined abs. 

Boys learn that if they don’t have this physique, their masculinity may be questioned. 

Eating disorders are billed as a problem of thin, privileged white women and girls. But those superficial assumptions ignore the complexity of the problem. Males represent 25% of people with anorexia nervosa. Some studies show that they’re at a higher risk of dying because they’re diagnosed later in life because of the erroneous assumption that males are not impacted by body dissatisfaction. (Mond, Mitchinson & Hay, 2014).

Body dissatisfaction impacts boys, too, so parents must foster a healthy and nurturing body image environment.

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2. Boys impact diet culture.

Not only do boys experience challenges with body image, but they are a major influence in the pervasiveness of diet culture, fat phobia, objectification, and over-sexualization of women and girls.

After all, who represents the vast majority of directors and creators of film and television? 

Who’s running the networks that decide what media gets produced and chooses which bodies to feature?

Who are the majority of perpetrators of sexual harassment and sexual violence?

The answer to all these questions is: mostly men, mostly white.

This is where parents get uncomfortable and experience a “not all boys! Not MY boy!” knee-jerk reaction. But removing boys from conversations about body image and bodily respect will simply perpetuate these problems.  If we don’t address objectification and diet culture with our sons, we can’t count on them to do better.

Boys play a critical role in shaping positive body image for everyone

We need boys to grow up to be men who speak up when they see something wrong. When a boy watches a classmate snap a girl’s bra or make lewd comments on her Instagram photo, we need him to not only refrain from that behavior, but speak up against it. 

We need boys who become men who don’t harass women – a man who will be an active bystander when his college roommate starts getting physical with a really drunk girl. 

Boys need to understand the airbrushing, editing, and posing that distort and change people’s appearances, so that they know real life bodies are different.

We need boys who can recognize diet culture and its impact on the whole community. Boys need to become attuned to fat phobia and the unrealistic expectations placed on everyone, but especially on women and femmes.

To eliminate diet culture, fat phobia, objectification, and over-sexualization, we need to spend just as much time building a healthy body environment and support boys’ positive body image, as we do for girls.

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For the free guide, How to Nurture Healthy Body Image in Kids: 8 Advanced Strategies You Haven’t Already Heard, click here: