Last week, a professional football player spoke to a classroom of fifth-grade kids and basically told the girls to sit down and be polite and quiet. Is there a punchline? Nope.
Conversations about toxic masculinity often center the impacts on women and girls. But toxic masculinity hurts boys, too.
In case you didn’t already hear, when Jameis Winston, a member of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers gave this “inspirational” speech to St. Petersburg ten year-olds, he said:
All my young boys, stand up. The ladies, sit down. But all my boys, stand up. We strong, right? We strong! We strong, right? All my boys, tell me one time: I can do anything I put my mind to. Now, a lot of boys aren’t supposed to be soft-spoken. You know what I’m saying? One day y’all are going to have a very deep voice like this [in deep voice]. One day you’ll have a very, very deep voice.
“But the ladies, they’re supposed to be silent, polite, gentle. My men, my men [are] supposed to be strong. I want y’all to tell me what the third rule of life is: I can do anything I put my mind to.”
Criticism flew immediately, but his team officials chalked it up to a “poor word choice.”
Interesting. I would call him a sexist pig. Sorry…was that a bad word choice?
Why Toxic Masculinity Hurts Boys, Too
With my feminist, parent-of-daughter, women’s rights activist hats on, I immediately think, who is this guy? How dare he talk to young girls like that? Is he so entrenched in patriarchy and outdated gender roles that he not only thinks this crap, but says it out loud, too?
After stewing for a bit about these horrible messages to girls, I start to think about the boys.
Related: Teach beyond gender roles in the classroom
On face value, to tell a kid to be strong and they’ll accomplish anything they put their minds to is a reasonable message, if not a positive one. An inspiring message about “believing in yourself” from a pro athlete.
However, when the message applies exclusively to one gender, it’s problematic. And when the sub-message is that the opposite gender has opposite characteristics – silent, submissive, polite, obedient – it’s more than problematic. It’s horrifying.
More: Why I don’t want my daughter to be polite
Turns out, as most sports fans know, this guy faced accusations of raping a college woman. Both he and Florida State University, where they both attended school at the time, settled with her. The university’s $950,000 settlement with her is reported by the Washington Post as the largest in the history of Title IX claims of indifference to the sexual assault of a student.
Outdated Gender Roles are Harmful to Girls AND Boys
Winston didn’t just tell the boys to be strong. His message is that boys should be strong and girls should be weak. Boys can do anything they want and girls should be polite. Boys will have a powerful, deep voice while girls are soft spoken. It’s not a far cry to draw a connection to toxic masculinity and rape culture. Boys are entitled to what they want; girls need to acquiesce and shut the heck up. Dominant, submissive. Worthy, unworthy.
This story is appalling for many reasons. But less obvious is that Winston’s prescription for manhood is narrow and unbending.
What about the fifth grade boys in the class who are sensitive, artistic, or studious? What about those who have cried in the past week over a sick pet or a disappointing grade? What about those who don’t really identify with being a boy or a girl?
Related: Boys and femininity: what are we so afraid of?
These outdated gender roles fail to give space to complex children with many personality traits, both feminine and masculine.
Let’s continue to call out messages that go beyond poor word choice; those that hinder our children’s possibilities.
There’s no room in the classroom, or in pro sports, for these sexist teachings.
Related Posts:
Taylor Swift and Sexual Assault: Will the Conversation Change for the Next Generation?
Why Saying “You’re Ok” is Harmful to Boys
5 Ways to Teach Boys to Handle Romantic Rejection
20 Ways for Teachers to Reduce Gender Bias in the Classroom
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Who arranges these supposed inspirational speeches to impressionable students? Do school officials and parents investigate speakers before scheduling? Or do they just get a pass because they are star athletes? (Ugh) If my child had been in that audience I would be furious!
Agreed! And the more research I did into this guy, the more awful stories pop up. This wasn’t his first accusation of being a scummy person. They absolutely shouldn’t have let him talk to children!