Following the royal wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, now the Duchess of Sussex, coverage of the new princess has mostly centered on her outfits. Naturally. Apparently she’s worn muted hues – white, buttercup, and beige for the month following the wedding until she recently sported a deep green dress at a public event.
Major news, right?
More importantly, but much more quietly, the news recently covered a compassionate letter she wrote to a classmate as a teen.
No one will argue; Meghan holds many qualities that transcend the princess archetype. She’s American, a vocal feminist, divorced, and biracial.
It all has me wondering… is it possible that Meghan Markle can change princess culture for the better? Is it possible that I’ll actually WANT my daughter, raised consciously outside of tired gender stereotypes, to emulate a princess?
The Royal Wedding
I did not pay a lick of attention to the royal wedding until the very morning it was splashed across the networks in the U.S.
Besides the vague knowledge of Prince Harry as the more jovial and fun-spirited brother, and Meghan Markle’s stint on Suits, my royal wedding knowledge sunk far below pop tabloid standards.
As I tumbled out of bed that morning and rubbed my eyes, I noticed a black man with an American accent preaching to the royal guests in Windsor Castle. I blinked twice.
Wow, this looks different from anything I’ve seen on The Crown. Hmmm…is it possible that Meghan Markle could change princess culture as we know it?
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I’ll pass on the princess costume
I admit, I’ve been a bit anti-princess when it comes to my toddler daughter. While my husband and I don’t ban princess paraphernalia from the house, we haven’t actively introduced her to the Disney princess mania popularized in the last two decades by brilliant marketers.
Why? Well… it won’t be long until one of her little preschool pals introduces her to Elsa and Anna and crowns and gowns. Why rush it? Many preschool girls get swept up in the same pink and princess phase when they begin to understand gender and its cultured expectations.
Preschoolers like categorizing, and when they learn about gender, most like to stick to the rules.
Then they’re on to the next thing. I still remember the day my 6 year-old niece told me she was soooo over princesses because they were “for little girls.”
“I’m into fairies now,” she said with a straight face.
Is princess stuff that bad for kids?
As long as children have a mix of toys and books, with exposure to a wide range of interests – kitchens and trucks and art and baseballs – I think they’ll be fine.
But I can’t help but wonder – what happens with overexposure to princess culture? Or from boys’ lack of exposure?
Read more about why pink and blue assignments can be harmful for kids.
Princess culture is undoubtedly filled with an overemphasis on appearance; looking beautiful and wearing pretty clothes are staples of the hobby. If you haven’t yet read Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein (affiliate link), go do that now!
At worst, the princess literally sacrifices her voice for a man (Ariel from The Little Mermaid), and at best she is a refreshing Pacific Islander adventurer with no actual princess identity or love story (Moana). There’s a lot in between, and until ten years ago, they leaned heavily toward the former.
Frozen and Moana broke several Disney traditions, but the princess franchise still feels very much rooted in beauty and romance on its packaging and products. And really, my three year-old should be running and playing, not obsessing over hair and princes.
Can Meghan Markle change all of that?
Related: 9 things to say to girls instead of “you’re pretty”
Meghan’s lessons to children
Some say it’s impossible. The royal family is the royal family, rooted in a deeply patriarchal structure, and their evolution is limited.
But she has already exhibited a willingness to subvert tradition and the “expected” role. Certainly, she is attending garden parties and posing modestly for photographs – this IS the royal family, after all – and some have dramatically proclaimed that she has quickly lost her voice and opinions. My hope, however, is that the changes we saw in the wedding are indicative of what’s to come: incremental and consistent change in an old-school establishment.
In the meantime, the Duchess of Sussex has already taught young children two things:
1. Compassion is always in style. We talk a lot about kindness with children, but does it stick? Do they understand the value of kindness when no one knows about it? Meghan wrote a note to a classmate with whom she wasn’t particularly close, after the loss of a close relative. Meghan told this classmate she had a beautiful spirit and offered an ear.
Years later, the recipient says Meghan’s simple gesture of reaching out during a time of need made a big difference. We all want our children to remember that a small act can go a long way, and that we shouldn’t confine our generosity to our closest friends and family. It’s also an excellent example of acting kindly for compassion’s sake; not for recognition or brownie points.
For more about the gendered nature of kindness, and how to encourage boys to adopt a kindness mindset, check out this awesome new episode on the Authentically Kind podcast.
2. When you use your voice, you CAN make change for the masses. When Meghan was even younger, she watched a commercial on television that exclusively referenced women as the ones battling greasy dishes. A small injustice, perhaps, but Meghan noticed the sexism immediately AND took action.
Rather than sit and complain, as an 11 year-old, she penned a letter to the manufacturer as well as the First Lady. About a month later, the soap maker actually changed the advertisement. “It was at that moment I realized the magnitude of my actions,” Markle said. “At the age of 11, I had created my own level of impact by standing up for equality.”
Markle said it isn’t enough to talk about equality or believe in it. “One must work at it.”
The lesson here is not just about the sexist marketing campaign, but that children can take tangible action to make an impact on issues that matter to them. And when they do, they can change the world!
If this is what future princess culture looks like, maybe I’ll sign up.
Photo: DSC_3441 by Genevieve CC License 2.0
I really love her & think that she definitely breaks stereotypes!
Yes she’s been really refreshing so far! Thanks for the comment, Shannan.