Will Meghan Markle Raise a Gender Fluid Child? How to Pursue Your Own Parenting Path

How refreshing that we have all stopped talking about Meghan Markle’s baby bump for a moment.

(**Side note, I hate the term “baby bump” as a bizarre objectification of women’s pregnant bodies, but moving on…)

To be clear, we haven’t stopped talking about her and Prince Harry’s baby-to-be entirely. But this week’s focus is on how they plan to raise the child.

A couple days ago, Vanity Fair reported that Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex told friends that the royal couple plans to be “fluid” with how they treat their baby’s sex. The same piece indicates that the royal baby’s nursery will be gray and white. (Sound familiar? Perhaps Meghan and Harry would like a few more tips on how to create a gender neutral nursery.)

In a somewhat rare move, Kensington Palace quickly issued a statement to debunk the story, saying it wasn’t true.

The quick rebuke from the palace was disappointing, yet not completely surprising. The term “gender-fluid” is foreign for many, and likely does not mesh well with royal expectations for how the sexes must behave.

Related: Gender 101: Beyond Male and Female

Only Unfair Choices: Raising a Nonbinary Child in a Binary World

I wouldn’t be surprised, though, if the royal couple has already considered the harmful role of gender stereotypes on young children. After all, Meghan is one of the most progressive public faces of the royal family. She has spoken out about feminism, discrimination, and the negative impact of gender roles on children.  Is it so wrong for her and Prince Harry to want to raise a child to embrace their individuality? Perhaps the Duchess will even call herself a feminist parent one day. I continue to hope that Meghan Markle will change princess culture for our little ones.

Bucking Stereotypes Isn’t Always Easy

It’s clear, however, that the choice to NOT stereotype one’s children is still considered unorthodox. So much so that the palace felt compelled to issue a statement to preserve the traditional culture of the royal family. As an American who watches The Crown, I understand how royal progress moves at a snail’s pace. But it’s still disappointing, and ironic.

After all, our weird international fixation on sex and gender of children pervades.  As evidence, “gender reveal party” will get you 130 million hits on Google. We shouldn’t be surprised that bookies all over the world are considering the odds of the royal baby’s sex. But, as we know, a child’s sex is not always indicative of their gender, and it not the same thing.

How to design your own parenting journey

Whether or not the Vanity Fair story was based on a nugget of truth, mainstream society’s pull toward typical gender roles is strong.

Almost as strong is our social-media-parenting-culture, which I call “Pinterest Parenting.”

If Meghan Markle was NOT a princess….and we were actually friends, this would be my advice to her about embarking on a parenting journey in which you minimize gender stereotypes….

Be your own architect.

One of the hardest parts about feminist parenting is the reality that you are on a slightly different path than most parents you’ll meet. The choices we make might not be the most popular choices or the most mainstream choices. That’s why having the ability to follow your gut and minimize distraction of others’ choices are key.

For that reason, I recently wrote a guide for expectant parents who don’t know the sex of their unborn child. There’s a common expectation that it’s hard to prepare for a baby when you don’t know the sex.   

The equipment type of preparation is easy. The sex is irrelevant to decisions about strollers and baby monitors. But when you decide not to find out the sex, the mental preparation can really help your journey.

Get the full guide here:        

So what is Pinterest Parenting?

It’s the pressure to engage in a collection of modern customs such as:

• gender reveal party
• clever pregnancy announcement
• professional pregnancy photo shoot with professional hair and makeup
• professional newborn photos
• monthly measurements photos
• the one year-old cake smash
• the Elf on the Shelf
• first day of school photos with children’s ages written on a mini-blackboard or letterboard,
• and more!

To be clear, I’m not criticizing these activities. (Except for the gender reveal party, which should be renamed the sex reveal party, but then who would go?) Each, with the right intention, can be fun. BUT, many new parents today feel they are “supposed to” do these things; a pressure that can remove the fun. In addition, many of these activities are not done for the sake of the event, but for the purpose of documenting, sharing, and garnering likes.

Parenting wasn’t always this way

My sister had twins almost fifteen years ago. She did not do a single one of these activities; partially because you just try to survive with twins, but also because there was no social media. Think about a friend, aunt, or mother who had babies 10+ years ago without doing any, or most, of these activities. Do they feel like they missed out? Probably not.

(Interestingly, my sister was the one to send me this piece about the relentlessness of modern parenting that impacts so many families today.)

Remember these veteran parents during your parenting journey. Keep bringing yourself back to a time when we documented a child’s life less. Was it better? Worse? About the same?

The point is… YOU get to choose your journey. By making the somewhat non-traditional choice to forgo information about the baby’s sex, you have already demonstrated your independent thinking.

Stay on your own parenting path

This advice isn’t very easy for Meghan Markle, a continuous subject of celebrity gossip.

But if she were my pal, and more of a “normal” person, I’d tell her… continue to develop confidence in your own choices NOW.  Pregnancy often causes us to question everything we do and look to others for guidance or affirmation of our own choices. This CAN continue throughout the rest of parenthood, especially through those early years when you are not as confident. If you let it.

To dive deeper into feminist parenting, you’ll need confidence in your gut and your choices. If you do everything you’re “supposed to do” for fear of missing out on something or of not giving your child everything possible, you sacrifice your gut to other people. In the long run, our instincts are what will help us best guide our children.

So be your own architect. Create the parenting journey you want for yourself and your child.

Your choices might not always be popular, but they’ll always be the right ones for you.

Photo by Jonathan Francisca on Unsplash